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Steven Coulson
Steven has been drinking beers, wines and spirits for decades and has a propensity to go about them at length after a few drinks.
Latest Posts
- 57/m: Love beer, but it doesn’t love me as much anymore
- No Stupid Questions Wednesday – ask anything about beer
- Does anyone else get treated like a beer snob for ordering literally anything that isn’t a macro lager?
- Is there a polite way to refuse a beer that’s being served in the wrong glassware without making everyone at the table uncomfortable?
- # What’s the most pretentious thing you’ve ever said about beer that you secretly didn’t understand yourself?
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Unleashing Your Inner Wine Connoisseur: A Guide to Pretentious Wine Appreciation
Navigating the World of Wine with Sophistication and Flair
For many, wine tasting is an indulgent experience, but there’s an art to elevating your wine game—and if you fancy a pretentious touch, we’ve got just the guide for you. Here are ten strategies to navigate a wine menu like a true aficionado, impress your companions, and perhaps even outshine the sommelier.
1. Dismiss the Ordinary
Upon receiving the wine list, don’t settle for the mundane. Politely request the Captain’s selection—a true connoisseur always seeks the exceptional.
2. Exhibit Distaste for the Unrefined
As you peruse the esteemed Captain’s list, maintain an air of superiority. If nothing strikes your fancy, disdainfully ask for the regular wine list, subtly signaling your elevated tastes.
3. Create a Scene with Glassware
When the sommelier presents the glasses, perform a delicate ritual of lifting one to your nose. With a flicker of disgust, comment on its aroma—suggesting something akin to a wet dishcloth—and demand a fresh set for the table.
4. Scrutinize Glassware Selection
Once your new glasses arrive, address the sommelier to ensure the type is fitting for the grape variety you’ve chosen. Inquire whether you’re holding Pinot Noir specific glasses or merely all-purpose vessels.
5. Temperature Inspection
As the wine is presented, don’t hesitate to assert your expertise by inspecting the bottle. Express concerns about its temperature—whether it’s too warm or too cold—while inquiring about the storage conditions.
6. Decanting Debate
Insist on the ritual of decanting, making your preferences known: “Please decant the wine to emphasize the smoke, rather than the sediment.” This ensures a presentation worthy of your discerning palate.
7. Mastering the Tasting
Once you perform a sensory examination of the wine, make a statement that showcases your expertise: “The nose doesn’t reflect the palate, that’s for sure.” It’s all in the language.
8. Grasping Terroir
After tasting, inquire about the specific soil in which the grapes were cultivated. Whatever response you receive, nod knowingly and comment on how you can detect those flavors on your palate.